


Immersion

by SharkGirl



Series: Year of Shance [7]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Avoidance, Calming down from a panic attack, Canonical Character Death, Coming Untouched, Communication, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Escapism, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Mentions of Character Death, Mild Sexual Content, Monsters & Mana (Voltron), Mutual Pining, Negative Thoughts, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Peeping by Mistake, Pining, Running Away, Self-Derision, Sexual Content, implied anal fingering, jealous!Shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 05:06:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20773016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkGirl/pseuds/SharkGirl
Summary: The ache grew, splintering in Shiro’s chest. “He’s talking to him,” Shiro murmured, not realizing it had been out loud.“He is,” Coran confirmed. “He asked me if it was possible-”“Do the others know?” Shiro questioned. Did everyone know that Lance was talking to Shiro’s dead clone’s artificial intelligence? What a sentence. Shiro had been through so much – they all had – and yet, this…this hurt him.Lance didn’t just miss a teammate. Lance had been in love with him.-Or Shiro accidentally walks in on Lance and his other self. Twice.Now with acompanion piece.





	Immersion

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start out by saying I think this fic should be rated M, but it's E for the naughty bit, just to be safe.  
Also, I know I was working on another Shance, but I've been having trouble writing the ending, so I cranked this one out in two days instead!
> 
> This takes place after the whole Kuron incident. Obviously, spoilers, haha. But it's canon divergent.
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Jes ♥  
Please enjoy!!  
Hey, fun fact: This is my 300th work on AO3~

Returning back to normal had been…a challenge. That wasn’t to say that Shiro preferred to remain in the astral plane that was the black lion’s subconscious – or however that worked – but it was strange coming back when the people he’d missed so fervently hadn’t realized until that moment that he’d been gone at all.

Sure, they may have suspected, some of them citing occurrences where Shiro’s doppelganger had said or done things that they determined were ‘un-Shiro-like’ in nature – again, that left Shiro scratching his head, but he didn’t question it – He was just glad his team, his ‘family,’ had been happy to see him when he finally did return.

Well, most of them had been happy. They were all crying, Lance especially. Shiro had been drifting in and out of consciousness, but he recalled the younger man blaming himself for not noticing sooner or not listening.

But _no one_ had noticed. And Shiro wasn’t upset with any of them for it. He was sure he would have been fooled by the witch’s plan if he’d been in their position.

No, what bothered Shiro was not that Lance had been crying. But that once everyone had wiped away their tears and welcomed Shiro back with open arms, Lance was the only one who still seemed… sad. And the sight of the normally boisterous and boastful young man suddenly shifting to reserved and withdrawn didn’t sit right with Shiro. In fact, it caused a strange ache to grow in his chest.

At first, Shiro had tried approaching the blue paladin – well, red now, he remembered – but Lance always seemed to leave just before Shiro entered a room. Then he tried giving Lance space. But the longer he stayed away, the bigger the ache in his chest grew, blossoming into something larger, more painful.

It hurt.

And so, Shiro decided to track Lance down and finally talk to him about everything that had happened. Perhaps there was something he’d missed, something that was keeping Lance from fully accepting him the way the others had.

But, try as he might, Shiro could not find him. He looked everywhere he could think of: Lance’s room, the kitchen, the hangars, the training room, and the lounge. But he was nowhere to be found.

Finally, ready to give up, Shiro walked into what Pidge and Hunk called their ‘Project Room.’ Lance had once called it their ‘Evil Laboratory’ with a sinister cackle as he rubbed his hands together menacingly. Shiro chuckled at the memory. But when he opened the door, the only occupants were the room’s namesakes.

“Hey, Shiro!” Hunk greeted as he looked up from the machinery with which he was fiddling. He wiped at his nose, his soiled glove leaving a smear of oil across it. “What’s up?”

“Have you seen Lance?” Shiro asked, having grown too tired – and honestly, too worried – to inquire after him in a roundabout way. By now, the whole castle probably knew he was looking for Lance.

“He’s probably playing Monsters & Mana,” Pidge replied without looking up.

“Again?” Shiro raised his brows. The others had informed him that, while he was away, Coran had taught them how to play a tabletop game not too much unlike the one Matt had roped Shiro into playing a few times with his father during the long flight to Kerberos. It required a lot of imagination and proved to be a great distraction. He bet Lance was great at it.

But wait. Keith was off with the Blades and Shiro had seen Coran, Allura, and Lotor during his search. He cleared his throat.

“But everyone’s accounted for,” he mused aloud, trying to think if he’d forgotten anyone.

“He’s been playing by himself,” Hunk supplied.

Shiro frowned. “By…himself?”

Hunk bit his lower lip, looking guilty about being too busy to join his best friend when Pidge finally glanced up from her own project. “You could always join him,” she said. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah!” Hunk suddenly brightened. “Lance used to love playing with you before…” he trailed off, his eyes going wide. “Oh, sorry. I forgot-”

“Good going,” Pidge said with a roll of her eyes before returning to her work.

They were always so careful not to mention what Shiro’s clone had done during his absence. It was like they were trying to erase that period of time completely, to wipe it from history as if Shiro had never…died. Again, a weird thought.

Hunk was readying another apology, but Shiro waved him off, not even bothering to glance back as he headed for the one room he hadn’t thought to check.

The gaming room was a mirror of the lounge and was located on the other side of the ship. It wasn’t a far walk, exactly, but Shiro kept a brisk pace, an image of Lance playing all by himself in his mind. Everyone had been too busy and, even though Lance was one of the most creative, imaginative people Shiro knew, he couldn’t stand the thought of the other man being left alone.

When Shiro arrived, he did pause long enough to catch his breath before pressing his hand against the sensor to open the door. It moved to the side with a nearly silent ‘swoosh,’ allowing him entry.

He wasn’t sure what to expect when he walked in. The way Monsters & Mana had been described to him, he figured Lance might be rolling a die and moving his game piece along the holographic map. But instead, the other was wearing what looked like a virtual reality headset. Or the Altean equivalent.

Shiro didn’t want to startle him, but he also didn’t want to remain standing there, creeping on Lance from the doorway. So, he walked into the room, readying to clear his throat to get Lance’s attention, but he stopped when the other spoke.

“I know,” Lance laughed. _Really_ laughed. And Shiro didn’t realize how long it had been since he’d heard it until that moment. Or how much he’d missed the sound. “You goofball,” Lance went on with a cute little snort. “You promised all that work for three gold pieces?”

Shiro smiled. Obviously, Lance was in the middle of a game. And, apparently, he wasn’t playing by himself. Well, he was, but whatever version must have had…oh, what had Matt called them when he just _had_ to show Shiro the brand new game he’d gotten for his console? NPCs?

“Okay, okay,” Lance giggled, moving his arms as if trying to push someone away – but not trying hard enough to succeed. “I love you, too, Gyro.”

Shiro froze, the warm, bubbly feeling that had begun filling his chest at watching Lance enjoy himself fizzling out completely. He couldn’t explain why, but hearing Lance say that hurt. Not the words, but because they were directed toward someone else. Someone who wasn’t Shiro. Which was silly, because Lance and Shiro had never been anything other than teammates and friends.

“I know, I know,” Lance spoke again, his mirth petering out at the end and his tone suddenly sad. “I miss you,” he said, voice cracking. “Every day, I-” He cut himself off with a sob and it was then that Shiro noticed the tears beginning to trickle down Lance’s cheeks, just behind the VR screen.

He stepped forward, wanting nothing more in that moment than to take Lance into his arms and comfort him.

“Shiro…” Lance said, stopping him in his tracks. “No…he’s…” Lance sniffled. “It’s not the same.” He lifted a hand to wipe at his nose. He sounded hurt, broken. And the ache in Shiro’s chest returned tenfold. But what he said next delivered the final blow. “He’s different. He’s not you.”

Shiro didn’t remember turning around, wasn’t sure how he opened the door or what turns he took, but when he finally slowed his steps, he found himself at the other end of the castle. He came to a halt and brought a hand to his chest, though it did nothing to stop the ache.

Who was Lance talking to? Who was Gyro? And why had he said Shiro’s name?

_‘It’s not the same. He’s different.’_ Lance’s words echoed in his head. _‘He’s not you.’_

But Lance couldn’t have meant…

Shiro swallowed back the dread that rose up in his throat. Was that why Lance had been avoiding him? He didn’t accept him as the real Shiro?

And that’s when something Hunk said earlier clicked. Lance used to love playing Monsters & Mana with Shiro before. Well, not Shiro, but his clone. Was that who Lance was talking to? Was Gyro his other self? He needed answers and, as if the universe really was trying to make right with him, Coran picked that moment to walk out of the room to his left.

“Oh, Number 1,” the older Altean blinked. “What are you up to all the way over-”

“Coran,” Shiro interrupted and then offered an apologetic glance. “Could you tell me a bit about the other Shiro?”

“Me?” Coran raised his brows. “I’d love to help, but I’m afraid I didn’t spend as much time with him as the other paladins.”

“I know, but I’m more curious about his alter ego,” Shiro said and, after receiving a puzzled look in response, he continued. “I think he may have called himself Gyro?”

Realization dawned on the older man and he nodded. “Oh, you mean his Monsters & Mana character.” Coran twisted the end of his moustache.

So, Shiro’s assumption had been correct. Which he would have celebrated, if the memory of Lance’s tear-streaked face wasn’t so fresh in his mind. “Were Gyro and Lance…close?”

Coran opened his mouth and then shut it. “Shiro, I don’t think I should be the one-”

“You’re right,” Shiro interjected. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “Instead, maybe you could explain the game to me a bit more?” he offered. “Lance has been playing by himself and I thought I could keep him company.”

Coran visibly hesitated, something that, for some reason, made Shiro’s blood boil. It was like Coran was keeping something from him. Something regarding Lance… and Shiro’s clone. And, again, strange as it was, it bothered him.

“About the virtual reality part?” Shiro added, in an attempt to get some sort of answer.

“Oh, that.” Coran relaxed. “Actually, it’s something new that Number 5 whipped up,” he explained. “It works with the castle’s artificial intelligence software to make the game more immersive,” he said. “Of course, because of that, all the characters we created were sort of given a life of their own.”

Shiro’s eyes grew wide and Coran hadn’t missed it.

“Not their own life, exactly,” Coran corrected. “More like, their memories are preserved in the game?” he tried. “That way, if one of us isn’t playing, we can still be on the team.”

Shiro let that sink in for a moment. Lance wasn’t playing by himself. Because he was playing with Shiro’s character. No, Shiro’s clone’s character.

_‘Okay, okay. I love you, too, Gyro.’_

The ache grew, splintering in Shiro’s chest. “He’s talking to him,” Shiro murmured, not realizing it had been out loud.

_‘I miss you.’_

“He is,” Coran confirmed. “He asked me if it was possible-”

“Do the others know?” Shiro asked. Did everyone know that Lance was talking to Shiro’s dead clone’s artificial intelligence? What a sentence. Shiro had been through so much – they all had – and yet, this…this hurt him. It hurt to know that Lance not only didn’t accept him as the real Shiro, but that he missed his clone so much, he’d resorted to talking to a computerized version of him.

_‘I love you, too, Gyro.’_

Lance didn’t just miss a teammate. Lance had been in love with him.

“I think they might suspect,” Coran finally answered. “But if it’s how he’s grieving, a part of the healing process… then…” Coran trailed off, looking nearly as upset as Shiro felt. “I’m sorry, Shiro.”

“Were they,” he began, wetting his lips. “Were Lance and…” What should he call him? “Were they together?”

“They were very close,” Coran said. “With Shir—err—your clone piloting Black and Lance being his right hand while Keith was working with the Blades, they ended up spending a lot of time together.” He sighed. “But if you mean romantically,” he went on. “I’m not sure. They never told us and then…” He glanced up, his gaze falling on Shiro’s hair, the side effect of having his soul pulled from the black lion and placed into this body.

His clone’s body.

“Thank you, Coran,” Shiro said curtly before turning to walk away.

“It takes time to heal,” Coran said then, making him pause. “When you’ve lost someone important to you.” His tone spoke volumes. “Sometimes the pain lingers far longer than we expect.”

Shiro nodded before walking back toward their sleeping quarters. He’d been focused on his own pain. On how Lance being in love with his clone had made _him_ feel. But what about Lance? He was obviously still in love with Shiro’s clone. So much so that he was using the castle’s programs to speak with him.

And, Shiro realized as he reached his door, Lance had never gotten a chance to say goodbye. From what everyone had told him, his clone was a sleeper agent who, once activated, injured his team, kidnapped Prince Lotor, stole a ship, and then fought Keith nearly to the death. Of course, after all that, Shiro had woken up in his body.

Guilt washed over him. No wonder Lance was avoiding him. Hell, he probably hated Shiro. He was waltzing around, wearing his lover’s face.

With a sigh, Shiro stepped into his room and, without bothering to change into his pajamas, fell forward onto his bed. He felt lower than low. But more than that, he felt… jealous? A burning jealousy that started in his gut and spread out to the tips of his fingers. And who was he jealous of? Himself?

Shiro groaned, burying his face in his pillow. This was all so confusing. Especially because _he_ and Lance had never had a relationship like that. It was just the clone. The clone whose body Shiro now occupied.

He lifted his head and held up his flesh hand, his gaze tracing the creases on his palm. Were they the same as before? Were they different? Had this hand held Lance’s? Had his clone used it to caress the other’s cheek?

Shiro let his head drop back down. Maybe everything would make more sense after a good night’s rest. Though, as he drifted off, Lance’s words echoed in mind.

_‘I miss you. I love you…’_

When Shiro awoke, he didn’t remember the dream he’d had. There were still lingering feelings, warmth and contentment, and a distant memory of finger tips brushing and a solid body pressed against his, but they quickly faded as his lids fluttered open.

He’d slept well. Surprisingly so. He so often was plagued by nightmares – his time in the ring as Champion or his fruitless attempts at getting the attention of his teammates only to have his cries fall on deaf ears – but he felt well-rested. All too soon, however, memories from the day before returned.

_‘I love you, too, Gyro…’_

Lance was in love with Shiro’s clone. He still loved him even now, had gone out of his way to keep in contact with him against all odds. But Shiro was right here! He wasn’t dead – anymore, at least – He was the living, breathing, genuine article.

But he wasn’t the one Lance wanted. And even though, once again, Shiro reminded himself that he and Lance had never had that kind of relationship, that still cut deep. Though, perhaps, Shiro was experiencing the residual effect of his clone’s feelings for Lance. Maybe that was why it hurt so much to hear Lance tell another that he loved them.

“Ugh,” Shiro groaned into his palm. He needed to talk to Lance, to sort all of this out. Because he couldn’t continue this way. They were a team. And how were they supposed to form Voltron if Lance wouldn’t even look at him?

So, deciding to go with the ‘It’s for the greater good of the universe’ reasoning – as opposed to soothing his injured pride and sore heart – Shiro swore he’d make up with Lance today. No matter what.

Easier said than done, of course. Their morning was filled with a quick breakfast and training drills – Allura took the lead and somehow, Shiro and Lance were never paired together. And after lunch, when everyone went off to do their own thing, Lance had disappeared before Shiro could even get his attention.

So, what else could Shiro do other than call an emergency team meeting?

Was it childish? Not at all! This was important! Universe-saving important!

“This had better be important,” Pidge said as she walked in, crossing her arms over her chest. And before Shiro could explain his earlier excuse – err, reasoning – she went on, “Because the sensors aren’t picking up anything outside. Or within lightyears, for that matter.”

Shiro cleared his throat. “Right, um-” But he paused when he noticed that the person he most wanted to see was not in attendance. “Where’s Lance?”

“I think he said he was taking a shower?” Hunk offered distractedly while adjusting the piece of machinery he’d taken with him from the ‘Lab.’ “He probably didn’t hear your message. I can go-”

“What’s this about, Shiro?” Allura asked, her hands on her hips. “Is everything all right?”

No. Everything was not all right. Shiro had been confused since returning to his body. Or, taking over this one, as the case may be. And now he was concerned that he was feeling emotions that weren’t his.

Though, that theory would only make sense if he also had any of his clone’s memories. Which he didn’t. So, why…?

“I think that what we all need is a break,” Lotor interjected. “If you don’t mind my saying so.”

“A break?” Pidge quirked an eyebrow, undoubtedly intrigued, despite being miffed she’d been pulled away from whatever project she’d been working on.

“Coran tells me you all haven’t played that game of yours in some time,” Lotor said. “Perhaps we could all play together,” he paused, his gaze shifting to Shiro. “As a team-building exercise.” He smirked.

Sometimes Shiro wondered if Lotor was telepathic or if he was just even more observant than he let on. But either way, Shiro had gotten what he wanted.

“It has been a while,” Allura said with a sigh. “It’d be nice to go on an adventure as Valayun again.”

“And Meklavar hasn’t gotten to swing her ax lately,” Pidge added on.

They all continued to discuss what their characters might do and all the while, Shiro was trying to figure out just what he should be. He had to pick a character that would get Lance’s attention. Someone strong and just. Someone worthwhile.

Shiro opened his mouth, “I think I’ll be-”

“A paladin,” they all finished for him at once. “Yeah, we know.”

Shiro blinked in surprise. Oh, that was a good choice, then.

They decided to play just before dinner – though Hunk had promised to bring snacks – and the hours couldn’t pass by quickly enough for Shiro. He occupied his time trying to remember how to play the game Matt had taught him. Hhe hoped it was similar enough that he wouldn’t embarrass himself.

He even had a pretty cool backstory worked out for his character.

But when the time came, Shiro found himself disappointed. He walked into the gaming room, pleasantly surprised to see the others were all already there. Well, all of them…except for Lance.

“Where’s-”

“We’re going to have to play without the headsets,” Pidge said, obviously not hearing him. “We don’t have enough and Lance took his to his room.”

Shiro deflated. “Lance isn’t playing?” He thought for sure this would be his chance to finally talk to the red paladin. After all, this was the one thing Lance liked to do. But maybe, a darker part of his mind supplied, he didn’t want to share it with Shiro.

“He said he didn’t feel up to it,” Hunk answered.

“That’s a bit generous,” Pidge replied with a snort. “He didn’t say much of anything at all.”

“But that’s what he meant,” Hunk returned. “Besides, this would be our first time playing as a group since…” He trailed off, his gaze flicking to Shiro before lowering to the game board.

So, that _was_ it. Lance didn’t want to play with a substitute Shiro. Or a substitute _clone_ Shiro, as he was the original. Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache beginning to form between his eyes.

“Shiro, are you not feeling well?” Allura asked, voice heavy with concern.

“No,” Shiro answered and then shook his head. “I mean, yes.” He lowered his hand and addressed the group. “I think I’m just going to retire for the evening.”

Hunk began to stand up. “Do you want me to bring you some dinner?”

“No.” Shiro waved him off. “I’m not really hungry.”

“You look a bit unsteady,” Coran chimed in, making his way over. “Would you like a hand?”

“No, no,” Shiro said as he took a few steps toward the door. “I’m fine, really. Just…didn’t sleep well last night,” he lied.

“If you’re sure,” Allura began.

“I’m sure.” Shiro offered what he thought was a convincing smile. “I’ll see you all in the morning for training.”

“Yes, sir!” Pidge gave a mock salute, though her eyes held the same concern as the others’. Shiro bit back a sigh. They were starting to look at him like they did when he first got back. Like he was a ticking time bomb, liable to go off at any moment.

“At ease,” Shiro joked, in what he hoped sounded like his normal voice. “Good night, everyone.” And then he walked out and down the long hallway toward their sleeping quarters.

Something just wasn’t sitting right with him. Chalk it up to jealousy – was he admitting that now? – but Shiro couldn’t get why Lance would choose to spend his time in his room alone, instead of playing the game he loved with his friends.

Because you’re the wrong Shiro, his mind supplied. He’d rather talk to a digitized version of your stand-in than spend an evening in your presence.

Shiro shook those negative thoughts away. Though, it was hard to argue against them. Lance had done nothing but avoid him since he returned.

But wait! If everyone was playing the game and Lance was alone in his room, this was the perfect opportunity for Shiro to talk to him!

He doesn’t want to be bothered, that dark voice was back. Not by you.

Shiro didn’t listen, however. He was much too stubborn to let this perfect opportunity pass him by. And so, ignoring the returning ache in his chest, Shiro upped his pace down the hall.

Lance’s room wasn’t far from his. In fact, all of the paladins’ quarters were close together. It was only Allura’s, Coran’s, and the guest rooms that were on the other side of the castle ship. So, if for any reason, Lance outright refused to see him, Shiro could easily go back and sulk in his own room for the rest of the night. He just hoped it didn’t come to that.

Ideally, Shiro wanted to ask Lance what was wrong, comfort the other as best he could, and maybe, if he played his cards right, rekindle their relationship. Whatever that meant. He’d have to figure that out later because he was already knocking on the door.

“Lance,” he called, just so the other knew who it was. “I was hoping we could talk.”

Shiro received no answer.

Not to be deterred, he knocked again, louder this time. “Lance.” He waited. Nothing. “Lance,” he tried again. And with an aggravated sigh, Shiro slapped his palm against the wall, probably much harder than he should have.

With perfect timing, the door opened. Shiro smiled sheepishly, readying an apology for nearly throwing a tantrum. But when he drew his gaze up from the floor, he found the doorway to be empty. He frowned. He was sure the others had said Lance was here. And then, to answer his question, he heard Lance’s voice coming from deeper in the room.

He must have just left the door unlocked.

Again, Shiro made to apologize, but stopped when the other spoke. “Gyro, c’mon,” he said airily, his voice barely a sigh.

So, he’d taken his VR headset to his room to play the game without the others, after all. Heat was building behind Shiro’s eyes and, try as he might, he could not blink it back. He was angry. He was upset. He was beyond jealous. So much so, that he didn’t even try to deny it.

“Lance-”

“Gyro…d-don’t tease me…”

Shiro froze. That almost sounded like Lance was…

“A-Ah…” Lance gasped. And even though Shiro knew he should have turned around and left the room, he found himself walking closer, the door sliding shut behind him. “I…c-cant…”

Shiro’s eyes adjusted to the dim light of the room. He jumped when Lance faced him, another apology on the tip of his tongue, but he relaxed when he realized the other was wearing the helmet and couldn’t see or even hear him.

Now he really should go. Lance was obviously busy and having a very private conversation with Gyro. Shiro swallowed, his gaze drifting to take in the rest of the red paladin and, oh, wow, okay. Lance was definitely only wearing his underwear.

“G-Gyro…” Lance moaned. And even though Shiro knew it was wrong, knew he should leave, he couldn’t look away from the bed. Lance had reached behind himself, slipping his hand beneath the waistband of his satiny briefs. Where had he even gotten those? Had he brought them? Was he always wearing them under his clothes?

Heat blossomed in Shiro’s gut at the thought of Lance wearing those skimpy little things beneath his skinny jeans. Though, the lace would definitely show beneath his paladin uniform, so Lance probably went without them then.

Shiro groaned. That was an even better visual.

But this was wrong, he reminded himself. He was invading Lance’s privacy, seeing what was clearly not meant for his eyes. Though, for a moment, as Shiro bit his lip to hold back another groan, he wondered if these particular eyes had seen this sight before.

“It’s goooood…” Lance moaned again, breaking Shiro from his reverie. And then, “I can… like this.”

Can ‘what’ like this? Shiro wondered, watching as Lance’s hand moved beneath the thin fabric.

Now, Shiro’d had a steady boyfriend before going off into space. They’d lived together, for crying out loud – before they broke up, of course – so Shiro had a feeling he knew exactly what Lance’s hand was up to. Or, more specifically, his fingers.

Shiro moaned long and low, unable to help himself. He wasn’t sure what was worse: the fact that Lance was doing this right in front of him or that Shiro had to imagine exactly what it looked like because those damn silky underwear were blocking his view.

“Mmm…” Lance changed positions slightly, getting up on his knees and arching his back. The tendons of his wrist were taut as he worked his hand, pumping his fingers in and out. And what Shiro wouldn’t give to move that silken scrap of fabric out of the way to see just how many he was taking.

But that wouldn’t be right.

Like any of this was, lectured his conscience.

“I’m…I’m close,” Lance breathed, lowering his head and pressing it into the mattress, the VR helmet askew. “I’m-” Lance seized up, his mouth open in a silent scream as his entire body shuddered.

If Shiro hadn’t been hard before, he most certainly was now. He ached. But just as he lowered his hand to his zipper, eager for some form of relief, he froze once again, the heat filling his body cooling instantly, as if he’d been doused with ice water.

“…love you, Takashi…”

Shiro didn’t even know if he shut Lance’s door when he left. He only came back to himself when he was seated on his own bed. Lance had called his name. No, he’d called _his_ name. His clone had been going by Takashi Shirogane the whole time, hadn’t he?

Was this Lance’s fantasy? Being with Shiro’s other self in that way? Or had they truly been together? Again, that would explain why Lance hated Shiro now. Because he’d killed his lover.

How much time had they had? It was never enough when someone you love was taken away without warning. But the others hadn’t known about their relationship. So…

Shiro fell back against his pillows and stared up at the ceiling in the dark. Despite everything, the warmth in his belly had started to return as memories of what he’d walked in on flashed through his mind.

Lance could get off with just his fingers…

…while thinking about Shiro.

Despite the tempting imagery, Shiro ignored his urges, took two cold showers, and went to bed early. This time, he did not have pleasant dreams he couldn’t remember. He had a nightmare.

It started like most of his did, with someone rousing him from a semi-conscious state in his cell and bringing him to the arena. But this time, instead of being handed a weapon and thrown into the pounded sand of the ring, Shiro was led to a room full of pods. And in each one was an exact replica of himself.

He’d heard about them before. Apparently, they were destroyed after his clone’s fight with Keith. But hearing about them wasn’t the same as coming face to face to face to face…

But he wasn’t the only one there. In the distance, there was another who was gazing upon one clone in particular. And although the figure was silhouetted against the soft glow of the containment pod, Shiro somehow knew exactly who it was.

“Lance,” he spoke, though no sound came from his lips.

“Takashi…” Lance replied, placing his hand on the glass and staring up at the slumbering clone. “I miss you…” He clenched his hand into a fist and threw a punch, fracturing the glass and causing the liquid inside to trickle out. “It’s not the same…” he sobbed. “He’s not you!”

The splinters in the glass grew larger until it shattered completely. More liquid than physically possible poured from the pod, filling the room and pulling Lance under. Shiro tried to run to him, but the harder he tried, the farther away he got until there was nothing around him, but inky blackness.

“Lance!” he shouted, but received no answer. Then, just in front of him, a glowing version of the red paladin phased into being. He was looking around, lost, clearly unable to see Shiro. He was scared. “Lance!”

“Shiro?” He spun around, eyes wide but unseeing. Then there was a loud pounding, like Shiro’s blood rushing in his ears. The pounding wouldn’t stop. “Shiro?”

He shot up in bed, pulse racing and eyes wide. He knew it was a dream. He knew he was back in bed. He just had to calm down. First, five things he could see: his sheets, his hands, his bed, the clock on the wall, his door. Four things he could touch: the sheets again, his legs, the mattress, the wall beside him. Three things he could hear: the rustling of the sheets, a knock at his door, “Shiro?”

Shiro paused. That was Lance’s voice.

He took a deep, calming breath, wondering if he was still dreaming, but answered anyway, just in case. “Yes?” he managed to sound somewhat normal now that his heart wasn’t hammering in his chest.

“Shiro, it’s, um…it’s Lance.”

Lance really was there! Shiro threw off his sheets and stood up on shaky legs. His breathing was almost completely back to normal by the time he made it to the door. Two things he could smell, he thought as he pressed his palm against the sensor to open it: Lance’s shampoo and body lotion.

“Hey,” Lance greeted with a sheepish wave.

It was the first time they’d spoken since Shiro had returned. Well, other than necessary discussions and mission-related chatter.

“Hey,” Shiro returned, wetting his lips and stepping to the side to let Lance in. One thing he could taste: yuck, his morning breath. “I’m just going to freshen up,” Shiro said quickly as he crossed over to his attached bathroom. “Make yourself at home.”

It was foolish running away from Lance when the other man had finally approached him after avoiding him for so long. But Shiro still needed a moment to collect himself. He brushed his teeth and washed his face in record time. And when he returned, he found Lance sitting on his bed, toying with the edge of the sheet.

Shiro cleared his throat and Lance dropped the fabric as if he’d been burned. “So, what brings you to my room at this hour?” He glanced at the digital clock and then sighed. He yet to master reading Altean numbers, but it was definitely still the night cycle, judging by how dim the lights were.

“I, uh…” Lance trailed off, his gaze trained on his fuzzy blue lion slippers.

Shiro had been trying to get Lance alone for days, just so they could talk. And now he wasn’t sure what to say.

Thankfully, Lance spoke for him. “I wanted to apologize,” he said, finally looking up at Shiro, his beautiful blue eyes wet and red-rimmed. He swallowed, twiddling his fingers. “I’ve been avoiding you.”

Shiro pursed his lips and sat beside Lance on the bed, far enough away as to not make the other uncomfortable. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Lance snorted. “Liar.”

“Guilty,” Shiro replied with a chuckle and then hesitantly leaned a bit closer. “I think I know why. And I want you to know that I’m not upset with you.”

“You should be,” Lance gave a self-depreciating laugh. “I’ve been putting extra stress on the team.” He peeked up through his lashes. “On you.” Shiro nodded, but didn’t say anything, choosing instead to let Lance continue. “I loved him,” he admitted.

Shiro took a deep breath, his fingers twisting in the sheets. “I know.”

Lance’s head snapped up, surprise written all of his face, before a slow smile spread across his lips. “I was that bad at hiding it?”

“No.” Shiro shook his head. “You were very good at hiding it. I just…” Overhead you. Twice. “Accidentally figured it out.”

“I see…” Lance was looking away again. “And you’re…not mad?”

Mad? Shiro was furious! Out of his mind with jealousy. But how could he explain that to Lance? Lance, with whom he’d had a comradery at best before everything happened? “I’m not mad…exactly,” Shiro struggled with his answer. Was now the right time to confess? Would there ever be a right time?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lance laughed again and this time it sounded genuine.

“It means…” Shiro bit his lip. Maybe now wasn’t the time, after all.

Lance groaned, throwing his head back and scooching closer to Shiro on the bed. “You can’t leave me hanging like that…” he complained. “Are you mad or not?”

“I’m…jealous,” Shiro confessed, shame burning his cheeks and ears.

“Jealous?” Lance sounded surprised. Incredulous, even. “Why?”

Shiro fixed him with a look. “Do I have to explain it?”

“Yes,” Lance said with a nod. “I think you’d better.” He gave a little shrug. “Ya know, so there’s no confusion.”

“Lance.” Shiro faced him fully. He wasn’t sure where to start, but there was always the beginning. “When I first returned…from the dead-” It was still strange to think about, let alone say “-it felt like I was a stranger in my own body.

“I was home and yet I felt so out of place. Everyone welcomed me back, but it was like I had to learn to be myself again,” he admitted. “The others were all very patient and eventually started to treat me like they always had.” He inched his fingers closer to Lance’s, hesitantly letting them brush. He relaxed when Lance didn’t immediately pull away. “Everyone…except for you.”

Lance ducked his head, but left his hand where it was. “I’m s-”

“And I couldn’t figure out why,” Shiro continued. “At first I thought you blamed yourself for me being stuck in the astral plane, since I kind of remember you saying something like that when I was waking up,” he said. “And I wanted to tell you that I don’t blame you at all for not hearing what I was trying to say to you.”

Shiro looked back up at Lance and froze when he noticed the other was crying.

“He tried to tell me,” Lance sobbed, finally pulling his hand away to wipe at his tears. “I didn’t understand. I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Shiro said, instinctively moving closer to wrap his arms around Lance and comfort him. Lance tensed for a second and then relaxed in his hold, much to Shiro’s relief. “I don’t think I would have made that assumption either, given what little we knew about the witch’s plan.”

When Lance calmed down, he pulled back and, reluctantly, Shiro released him. “I’ve been talking to him,” Lance said next. “You know how Allura’s dad saved his consciousness in the castle?” he asked and Shiro nodded, already knowing where he was going with this. “Well, apparently, when we played Monsters & Mana, Shiro’s—uh—his character was saved in the computer.”

Shiro closed the distance between them again, letting their fingers brush before gripping Lance’s hand in his. “That’s why you’ve been playing the game so much, right?” he asked, though he knew. “Because it allows you to talk to him.”

Lance’s face crumpled. “I just miss him so much,” he said. “And I n-never…” He swallowed, trying to calm himself. “I never got to say ‘goodbye’.”

Guilt washed over Shiro anew.

“And even though he said,” Lance began, but then shook his head. “Never mind.”

“No.” Shiro gave his hand a squeeze. “Tell me what he said.”

“It’s stupid,” Lance sniffled. “He was just being nice.”

“Lance,” Shiro said sternly. “When have I ever ‘just been nice’?” he asked, raising his brows.

“I said _he_ was being nice,” Lance corrected with a watery smile. “Though, I suppose you two do have a lot in common.”

“We have everything in common,” Shiro promised before bringing their joined hands up to his lips. “Everything.”

Lance studied him for a moment, his gaze darting to Shiro’s mouth on his knuckles and then back up to his eyes. A choked laugh bubbled up in his throat and escaped his lips before he covered his mouth with his other hand. “He was right.”

“About what?” Shiro asked, feeling less like what he’d done was completely out of line. He was actually beginning to hope. “What did he say?”

“He told me that, even though he was gone, that you two were the same,” Lance explained. “And that I hadn’t really lost him.” He sighed. “But I didn’t think you could ever feel that way about me.”

“And why not?” Shiro frowned at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re Shiro,” Lance said like it explained everything.

“So was he,” Shiro countered.

“Not exactly.”

“Down to his DNA,” Shiro insisted. “Lance, we’re the same person.”

“But you’re not,” Lance said sadly. “He _loved _me.”

“And so do I.”

They were both quiet for a moment. And Shiro wondered if he’d said too much too fast. If maybe confessing should have waited until they were on better terms again. After all, Lance had only just started speaking to him.

When Lance remained silent, Shiro went on. “Is it really so hard to believe?”

“Yes,” Lance blurted and then blushed. “I mean, it was different because we spent so much time together and-”

“And it I didn’t have that opportunity,” Shiro finished for him. “But it was only a matter of time,” he said, leaning close enough to bump their foreheads together. “I wondered why I was so bothered by the fact that you wouldn’t talk to me.” He sighed. “I kept saying it was because we were teammates and that we needed to get our bond back for Voltron.” He shook his head with a chuckle. “But I was just in denial.”

“Denial, huh?” Lance moved to rest his head on Shiro’s shoulder. “You hated the idea that much?” But he was laughing.

“Stop it, you,” Shiro said with a playful swat. “I am jealous that he got to experience so many things with you while I was floating around in space,” he said, noting the way Lance gave his hand a squeeze. “But if you’re comfortable trying, I’d like to take some time to get to know you better.” He laced their fingers. “Like he did.”

Lance nuzzled against his neck, his breath warm as it fanned over his skin. “I’d like that.”

Shiro had finally done it. He’d set things right with Lance and confessed all in one fell swoop. Was it possible for everything to turn out perfectly? Could he be that lucky?

But then Shiro remembered something he hadn’t told Lance yet. Something very important.

“Wait.” He drew back and Lance’s head fell off his shoulder as he did.

“What’s wrong?” Lance asked, his brows drawn together and his eyes searching his.

“Before we start this, I have a confession to make,” Shiro said.

Lance nodded and took Shiro’s hand in his once more. “Okay. What is it?”

Shiro braced himself, preparing for the worst. Lance might change his mind completely after he told him what he’d walked in on. But he was not going to start off their relationship by keeping secrets. And so, with another deep breath, Shiro looked Lance in the eye. “I accidentally walked in on you last night.”

“Last night?” Lance blinked. “What did you wa-” He stilled, his eyes going wide.

“I didn’t mean to,” Shiro went on. “I was looking for you because I wanted to talk. And I didn’t realize your door was unlocked until it opened.” He wanted so badly look away, but he kept his gaze steady, holding Lance’s. “I should have left the moment I realized what was going on, but I…I stayed.” Now he did glance down. “I wanted to leave, but the sounds you were making-” He shook his head. “That’s no excuse. I spied on you without your consent and I-”

But to Shiro’s surprise, Lance started laughing. So hard, in fact, that he nearly doubled over, tears springing from his eyes.

“That’s…not the reaction I was expecting.” He blinked.

“Sorry,” Lance said as he calmed down. “It’s just…really funny.”

“Me being a Peeping Tom is funny?” Shiro quirked a brow.

“No, it’s just…that’s exactly how we got together,” Lance said and Shiro just opened his mouth, at a loss of how to respond. “Let me explain,” Lance went on. “I was kind of feeling like the two of us were getting closer, so I followed Shiro—er—him—_you_ into the showers to get you alone to confess,” he said. “But when I got there, the water was already on and, well, you were totally jerking it to me.”

Shiro pulled a face. “I was not.”

“You definitely were!” Lance insisted. “Moaning my name and everything.”

“Oh my God…”

“Yeah, you said that, too,” Lance snickered. “But, anyway, I was going to run off, but you saw me and well…the rest is history.”

“I can’t believe it,” Shiro said incredulously.

“Yeah, not exactly a story to tell the grandkids,” Lance said, sounding more like himself with every joke. “But after the initial embarrassment wore off, we confessed to each other.” He smiled softly. “I can’t believe we almost confessed the same way this time around.”

Warmth bubbled in Shiro’s chest at that. Lance was right. Shiro didn’t need to be jealous of his clone. It was like being jealous of himself. He needed to stop thinking of them as being two separate people. They were the same. He was just getting another shot with Lance, a clean slate. And he was going to make certain he did everything he did before. Only better.

Shiro would be sure to make Lance happy. And he was going to start by joining in on playing his favorite game.

“Hey,” he said, rousing Lance from where he was starting to doze off on his shoulder. “What do you say we get everyone together today and finally play Monsters & Mana as a team?”

In the back of his mind, Shiro worried that Lance didn’t want to take that step just yet. That the game was something he wasn’t ready to share.

But Lance smiled against Shiro’s neck and breathed, “I’d like that.”

“You’ll have to teach me how to play,” Shiro said.

“You got it,” Lance replied, stifling a yawn.

“I’ve got my character all figured out, though,” he went on. “I’ve decided to be a paladin. Which didn’t seem to surprise anyone, for some reason-” but he was once again interrupted by Lance’s laugh. Which was, honestly, becoming one of his favorite sounds, now that he was finally hearing it again.

Lance sat up and pressed his hands to Shiro’s cheeks, giving him that hundred-watt smile he hadn’t realized he’d been longing to see. “It really _is _you,” Lance said softly.

Shiro blinked for a moment before wrapping a hand around one of Lance’s wrists and turning his head to kiss his palm. He smiled against the soft skin. “Of course it is.”

They had a long road ahead of them and Shiro could never get back the time they lost. But he could certainly make up for it. And that’s exactly what he was planning to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch! But also... yay!! I'm glad they finally talked.  
Oh, and if you're wondering, I'm playing around with the idea of writing the scenes between Lance and "Gyro"/Kuron. It would basically just show the parts that Shiro didn't get to see (or the readers, since it's in his POV)  
Would anyone be interested? One would be tearful, of course, and the other would be... ahem... spicy~  
(And technically between Pike and Gyro? ish? idk, haha)
> 
> As always, let me know what you think with kudos and comments and feel free to hit me up on either tumblr @bleucheesy or on Twitter @bySharkGirl~


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